Reflections on the Early Journey of Motherhood

Our baby Tula is 10 days old, and we have her on formula and breast milk. I feel sad that I haven’t been able to provide enough for her to gain her weight back.

It feels really upsetting to be in this situation. I thought that I would be able to, and yet the nanny is pushing to use the supplement, and I don’t want her to grow dependent on it.

I felt sad about being unable to give her all of the milk she needs, yet someone reminded me I should be grateful formula exists. I’m thankful for formula in her being able to have that so she is nourished and gaining weight.

Only later when work has short-term disability benefits, you have to justify your leave even though your employer has a larger max of leave available than the disability insurance has you believe you can receive. It’s frustrating to navigate this system around maternity leave reduced to short-term and long-term disability terms.

Aside from the challenges with caring for a newborn, as though that isn’t enough to get awarded the full maximum leave you’re allowed, you have to prove you’re in such a poor condition to demonstrate eligibility to take your leave. Otherwise, you’re required to come back because they determine it is so.

Helpful Insights from My Experience

I went on a rant, but I have discovered a few things that would be helpful to keep in mind:

• Breast Milk and Formula: If I’m able to provide some of my breast milk to my baby, that is something she benefits from. Having formula to supplement her isn’t all bad. We have to show ourselves kindness by recognizing we aren’t perfect. It’s great if some women are engorged and have such a flow of milk they can provide. We don’t have to blame ourselves for the ways our bodies won’t cooperate with us.

• Consult a Lactation Specialist: Seeing a lactation consultant can sh

  
  
  
  

  ed some light on helping you. My consultant advised me to take fenugreek supplements and blessed thistle to help.

• Medical Advice: My OBGYN advised taking metoclopramide, which has helped trans females nurse, so perhaps it’ll help me produce more milk.

• Set Short-Term Goals: Try these things, pump regularly, and aim to nurse at least 8 times a day. Focus on short-term goals, taking things one week or a few days at a time rather than overwhelming yourself to reach your ultimate lactation goal.

• Navigate Short-Term Disability: With short-term disability, we will come across obstacles. Be persistent and speak to your provider. Get the help that’s needed, whether it be a mental health professional, physical therapist, or lactation consultant. Try to keep yourself in a good headspace.

• Seek Community Support: It’s hard, especially when sleep-deprived and at your wits' end, but there are others who understand and have lived through similar challenges. Join an online group or talk to friends, especially others you know who also have kids to maintain a sense of community. It is important to stay connected and not isolate yourself. You would be surprised how many are willing to come alongside of you and shed light on what your experiencing.